Funerals aren't just for the dead :
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: When El's mom dies, and he turns to Liv, instead of his wife, where does this leave his marriage, and better yet, will it ruin the partnership between Liv and El. read and find out... MY FIRST SONGFIC :
1. Chapter 1

**O**livia Benson was polishing off the last of her morning OJ when her mobile vibrated from the bench. She knew she was running late, but she hadn't expected it to be crisis-calling late. Flipping it open, she put the phone to her ear and grabbed her Gucci bag, closing the door behind her.

"I'm on my way," she voiced as she headed down the stairs of her apartment building.

"Olivia…" it was Cragen.

"I'm sorry, Captain, my alarm didn't-"

"Olivia," his voice was stern and serious and Olivia stopped talking, long enough to listen to what the boss had to say. "It's Elliot!"

Olivia's heart gave an instant tug. Was he okay? Had he been in an accident? Her hand rested on her fleeting stomach, as if that would erase the knots that had instantly built up in the course of seconds.

"Is he okay?" she croaked. She felt dizzy, an instant headache, coming on.

"I don't think so…" he responded.

Olivia drew back a breath, her mind rampant with the possibilities, as she stopped dead at the end of the hallway. She felt the weight of the news crush her chest and she struggled for air. _No_, she pleaded silently _please don't let him die._

"It's his mother, Olivia, she died this morning…" for a brief moment she couldn't understand how the two connected. What did his mother have to do with the critical condition that Elliot was in? Then it dawned on her, it wasn't Elliot that had been hurt. He wasn't dead. He wasn't lying somewhere gasping for his last breath. Olivia took a moment for herself to breathe a sigh of relief. Her partner was okay. It took another moment to understand the situation. His mother… she was dead.

Olivia wracked her brain for a solution, but all she could think of was seeing Elliot. As long as he was okay, she'd find a way to handle the rest. Maybe there was something she could do to help…

"Where is he?" she asked as she got back the control of herself and made her way onto the streets of Manhattan, to hail a taxi.

"At home,"

"Captain, can I-"

"Yeah," he replied. "Take the day off and go see if you can do something." Olivia muttered a thanks before hanging up. A taxi pulled up to the curb and she climbed in. "Queens," she ordered. The taxi driver made his way back into the traffic.

Her mind flashed back to years before, when it had been her, with the news that her mother was dead. With nowhere else to turn, and no other family to lean on, she worked all day, ignoring the gnawing pain in her heart. She knew how he'd be feeling and her compassion and empathy for him was strong.

As she entered Queens, she gave the taxi driver the address to Elliot's house, and paid the fair when she arrived, thanked the driver, and got out.

With a deep breath, she approached the door, the crushing weight unmoved from her chest. The door opened and Kathy stood rigid in the doorway, a pale color to her face.

"Hi, Olivia…" her voice was cool.

"I heard about El, I'm sorry…" she shrugged.

"Thanks. He's not feeling too crash hot right now, I don't think he's up for visitors…" she told her, making no move to invite her inside.

Olivia nodded. "I can understand that," Olivia herself had been reluctant to talk about it. All she had wanted at the time was to bury herself in paperwork and forget about it.

"Kathy… who is it?" Elliot's voice boomed somewhere up the end of the house. Kathy shuffled her feet uncomfortably.

"It's-" she looked at Olivia and cocked her head slightly, as if she was silently trying to tell her something. Olivia wasn't reading between the lines. "It's Olivia…"

A moment later he appeared in the doorway, opening it and gesturing for his partner to step inside. "Hi…" he embraced her in a hug, holding her close to him, as if it was the only solace he could accept. "Thanks for coming," he whispered.

_I've been sitting her staring at the clock on the wall_

_And I've been layin' here prayin', prayin' she won't call_

_It's just another call from home you'll get it and be gone_

_And I'll be cryin'_

Olivia pulled him at arm's length, conscious of the glance Kathy was giving her. She had no desire to take over Kathy's role as the wife, and she purposely kept herself at a distance. "Is there something I can do?" she asked.

"No," he shook his head as he led her into the kitchen. His eyes were blood-shot and he'd gained five years to his face. Olivia's heart tugged as she wished just for once, she could have taken his pain away and made it her own. She was equipped to deal with this, she had years of vacant painful experiences behind her, she knew how to cope with them.

Elliot, had always had the ability to suppress them over time, and somewhere, someplace, they managed to escape him, pouring out in anger, as he punched walls… people… garbage cans… this, she knew, would be no different. He would not deal with it. He would not think about it, or "wallow" as he once said. He would simply ignore it until it found another way to break out.

Olivia looked to Kathy. "Is there something you need… groceries, or- I could babysit?" she offered.

Kathy shook her head. "No. We're fine. But thanks."

"Okay, well if you think of anything-"

Elliot pulled her back into his arms then, burying his head in the crease of her neck. Aware that Kathy was watching, she did her best to conceal her own emotions, but it was near impossible. Having him in this proximity brought up emotions she had been trying to restrain for a decade. He was the only man in her life, the only man she trusted with all her heart. Olivia closed her eyes, engraving the feeling into her heart, before she let him go again, barely able to breathe.

"I should leave you to it…" she shrugged.

"You're leaving already?" Elliot did nothing to hide his disappointment. 'You don't want to stay for a coffee or…"

"Not today," she said softly offering him the smallest smile. "Kathy has your back. If you need anything… whatever it is, if I can help…"

"Thanks, Liv," he nodded.

"No worries," she said.

Elliot collapsed into the nearest kitchen chair, and Kathy walked her to the door. "Thanks for coming…" Kathy said.

It was no secret between the women that Olivia had feelings for Elliot that were reserved only for those in a relationship. But Kathy also knew, whole-heartedly that Olivia would never make a move on him, she understood the vows of a marriage, and she never crossed the line, between friends and more. Kathy had found a way of being tolerable with her; after all she had saved the life of her fifth child, Eli.

"I just don't want Elliot to bottle this one up," Olivia explained as they reached the front entrance.

"That's my problems, not yours!" Kathy responded harshly.

Olivia stepped back, feeling the tension between them. She could understand that Kathy was frustrated and upset, and she gave her leniency for that, but there was no excuse to treat her with such disrespect. "It's mine too, when he comes to work and I have to deal with the outburst."

Olivia stepped outside the door.

"Goodbye, Olivia!" Kathy closed the door without another word.

**O**livia was awake when her mobile went off. She rolled over and snatched it from the bedside cupboard, where she kept it. Blinking her eyes long enough to focus, she read the text message.

LET ME IN. I'M DOWN STAIRS. EL

It took a moment for the text to register, before she peeled back the covers and buzzed him in. She heard the entrance door click from a distance, and waited a moment until she heard his footsteps in the hall. She used the peek hole to double check, always cautious not to let in strangers, and when she saw his face, she opened the door.

"Hi…" he greeted.

Olivia stepped aside gesturing for him to come in. "Hey."

Elliot stepped through the door and instantly flopped down on the couch, making himself at home. "I couldn't stay at home anymore."

"What happened?"

"Kathy is hovering over me every moment. I can't manage to catch my breath, I…"

Olivia took a seat beside him, careful not to sit too close, giving them both enough room to move. "She's doing what she can, El. She doesn't know how to help."

"You do…" he looked over at her, that long lingering look that caused her heart rate to amplify. Why did he do that? He had to know what affect he had on her, had to know that every time he looked at her with that kind of desire, it made it all the more impossible to turn him away.

Olivia kept her voice even, unwilling to show him her emotions. "I've been there. I understand it," she said as if it were really all that simple.

Like the embrace at his apartment, earlier that day, Elliot made a swift move to pull her to him, crushing his mouth on hers, parting his lips beneath hers to deepen the forbidden kiss. She responded, closing her mouth over his, long enough to savor the taste of him, before she pressed her palm to his broad chest, breaking them apart.

_I'll be begging you baby, beg you not to leave_

_I'll be left her waiting with my heart on my sleeve_

_For the next time we'll be here, seems like a million years_

_And I think I'm dyin'_

"What?" he panted attempting to move back in.

"No, El," she gasped. Her head was spinning with the actions she'd offered in response to his. He had just lost his mother. He was grieving. He was not thinking straight. "We can't do this… you're upset."

"I want to," he insisted pulling at the buttons on her shirt. Olivia struggled with herself, but her hand seized his, holding them away from her. "I know what I'm doing…"

"I don't think you do," she said sternly. "I don't want you to make a mistake, and if I thought that doing this would take the pain away, I would do it in a heartbeat."

"It will take the pain away," he assured her.

"It might, for a few minutes maybe, but it will ruin your marriage, and I can't do that to you, El…" as hard as it was to turn him away.

He sat up straight and gathered himself together, a look of fear and regret settled across his face, breaking her heart in the process. "God, I made a mess of this, didn't I?"

"No," she said gripping his hand tightly in hers. "It's normal for you to be feeling all this, it's just… it'll pass."

He managed to steal a glance at her face. "Yeah," he muttered. "It'll pass."

**T**he kiss was not mentioned the following morning. Olivia attended the funeral for moral support, thinking nothing of his stupidity, and chalking it up to a weak moment of grieving. As she stood beside her partner in the front, his wife and children surrounding their presence, she felt Elliot reach out and take her hand. It did NOT go unnoticed by Kathy. Olivia felt her stomach flutter at the feel of his hand in hers, she knew that this gesture belonged to the rights of a wife, but she did not want to reject him now, in this moment of weakness.

The minster babbled on about the "woman's time" being over, and Olivia stood silent, trembling slightly at the proximity to her partner.

_What do I have to do to make you see?_

_She can't love you like me_

_Why don't you stay?_

_I'm down on my knees_

As the minister finished his speech, they watched as the coffin was lowered to the ground. Olivia remembered Elliot's mother, showing her a childhood photo album. She could still see the picture of young Elliot dressed as a carrot for a school production, as cute as she had ever seen a child, she had laughed silently when she'd seen the shot.

Olivia declined to offer, when Elliot asked if she'd like to come back to his place for a coffee. She had already spilt over into his personal life, a little too much for her liking. As close as she knew she and El were at work, she felt she was treading on Kathy's toes, when it came to the outside world. She already took so much time away from her, getting the majority of his hours at work. It was only fair for her to step back, and let his wife take the role.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she nodded.

He leaned in to hug her goodbye, and she stiffened in his arms, feeling Kathy's glare seep right through her.

Olivia said her goodbyes to Kathy and the kids, and departed.

It took an hour to get back to her apartment, and once she was there, she broke down in tears, as she realized the extent of her emotions, when it came to her relationship with her partner.

Olivia and Elliot went back to work the next day and their lives began to take the same routine, catching the perps and writing out paperwork, occasionally talking about something more than the weather. But when Olivia refused a ride home one night, Elliot called her on it.

"You have been real weird about that the last week or so," he observed. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she lied shifting uncomfortably in her desk chair.

"No, what's the issue?" he pressed.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm so tired of being lonely_

_Don't I give you what you need?_

_When she calls you to go_

_There is one thing you should know_

"I have some paperwork," she lied in reference to his question.

Elliot watched her intently for a moment. "I don't think so, Liv." He looked almost hurt. "Is this about the other night… at your apartment?" he guessed.

Olivia's eyes scanned across the sheet on her desk, not actually seeing the words. She didn't dare look at him. "I… yeah," she said honestly. "I just don't think we should be…"

"You think I'm in love with you or something?" he scoffed playfully. "I'm going to make a move or-"

"No," she answered quickly, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "I just… no I don't think that."

Elliot leaned over her shoulder and whispered in her ear. "It's true… I left Kathy."

Olivia felt her body flush with warmth. He loved her? Was that what he meant? Once she could muster the will to move her head, she turned to look at him, her face stunned with the realization that his confession was going to be the end-all of their partnership. Where would that leave her then?

"Do you want a lift home?" he repeated.

Elliot was the closest she had to a family. Was she willing to risk that for a romance that might very well fizzle out in months, weeks, even days?

She found herself nodding in response and he reached his hand out, until she took hold. She stood from the desk chair, and grabbed her jacket, pulling her arms through the sleeves, as they walked out of the precinct.

In the car, neither of them said a word. Once he hit her apartment and pulled over to the curb, they sat in silence. Was this the part where she was supposed to invite him to come in?

"Do you wanna come up?" her voice betrayed her as it broke, slightly wavering. Her heart stopped as she waited for an answer.

"Yeah," he muttered. "Yeah… I do."

Olivia nodded and forced herself to pull the handle of the door and climb out of the car. Elliot was directly behind her as she climbed the stairs to her apartment building to let them inside.

Once inside her apartment, she offered him a drink in which he declined.

Awkwardly they stood in the centre of the room, unsure of their next move. "I don't expect anything," he told her, his eyes filled with desire as they contradicted his words.

"Okay," she nodded.

Elliot stepped towards her, as they stood now only inches apart. "I do…"

"You do what?" she trembled.

"I do love you… I have for a long time, longer than I should have, I suppose. But you, you have this air of confidence, or independence and you're so strong, Liv. The crimes we deal with everyday, women now, they just can't keep going… all the childhood trauma you had, the alcoholic mother and-"

"Are we going to rehash all of this?" she interrupted. "Because I can tell you now, it's not something that will…"

"What?" he smiled. He knew what she was thinking, and his mind was on the same wave length.

"I don't want to be talking about that, when I could be…" she stepped closer to him. They were nose to nose. She could feel his heavy breathing on her face. She wanted him.

"Yes?" he asked.

"El, I…"

"I know," he said cockily.

Olivia smiled. "You know?"

"I've known it for years, every time I talked about Kathy, I saw it on your face, every time I said something about my outside work, you looked so…"

"Annoyed?" she guessed.

"Sad," he said.

"Well, Mr. know-it-all what do you want from me now?"

"Just you, Liv. Every piece of you…"

"I think that can be arranged," it was her that made the head tilt, forcing their lips to touch. It was his mouth that lingered on hers, teasing his tongue along the bottom of her lip. It was a joint decision. It was an action they were both responsible for.

Elliot lifted her into his arms, carrying her under the crease of her knees and supporting her back, as he managed to push the bedroom door open. He lay her gently down, hovering over her, careful not to place his entire body weight on top of her. But she didn't make it easy, when she pulled at him, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.

Elliot looked down at her, underneath him, and smiled teasingly. "Do you still think I look as cute as a carrot?" his eyes twinkling as he asked.

Olivia searched her mind for the familiar phase. Whatever made him think about carrots at a time like this? What did- oh, she remembered that. The cute little costume she'd seen in a photo album, showed to her by his mother. She laughed at him, bringing her mouth down on his. "Yes, El… you're still the little boy you always were."

"HEY!" he cried. "I'm manly now."

"Okay," she grinned. "A manly carrot!"

"A BIG manly carrot."

Olivia only smiled pulling him closer. "We'll see…"

_We don't have to live this way_

_Baby why don't you stay yeah…_

_You keep telling me baby, there will come a time_

_When you'll leave her arms and forever be in mine _

As they lay spent from their overwhelming passion, Olivia brushed his torso with her hand, enjoying the moment. This was how she had dreamt it would be. This was her fantasy, come to life. For years she had wanted him this way, and now she had him, but at what cost, she couldn't help wondering. How long until he would realize where his loyalty lay?

"That was good," Elliot sighed contented.

"Good?" she teased.

"Nuh," he smiled. "It was bloody great!"

"That's better," she nodded.

She jolted from shock when she heard the familiar tone of Elliot's mobile phone. She watched him as he reached for the device and pressed the green button, holding it to his ear. He mumbled a few yes's before he hung up. She knew it was coming, even before he said it.

"I have to go home," BINGO!

"Okay," she showed no emotion. She did not roll her eyes, or beg him to reconsider. She did not ask him when she'd have this chance again. She simply allowed him to dress silently, kiss her goodbye with promises of seeing her at work and then he was gone.

_But I don't think that's the truth_

_And I don't like being used_

_And I'm tired of waiting_

_It's too much pain to have to beg_

_To love a man you have to share_

_I know that Liv would NOT, NEVER, NO HOW, do the dirty deed with a married man, even if it was El. Lovely, beautiful, adorable, sexy… yeah we get the picture, El. But this is a fanfic, and that gives me, as the writer, rights to change their character, for a simple brief entertaining little short story. Blah, blah, blah… my roommate commented on how Olivia wouldn't DO this, and I agree, of course. So to those who hate UNREALSITC character changes, I apologize. But it was fun… so, let me know what you guys think? And should I continue this particular story or is this the END-ALL, of their partnership?_

_Please review?_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi FF readers… I had a few reviews that wanted more of this, when I intended a one-shot but when you get those cute lil reviews, you can't help but give the ppl what they want… here's some more… enjoy!_

Olivia dragged herself from the bed and dressed quickly.

She was mortified. How could he have been so stupid! He had said, he had left his wife, he had whispered it in her ear, she was sure of it. Olivia didn't blame him, how could she, it was Elliot Stabler… life-time friend and secret love. No, this blame fell with her.

She wondered through the house, thinking about dinner, but decided she wasn't all that hungry. She flopped down on the couch and switched on the TV, watching some night time soap, mindlessly. In the end, she dozed off and woke shivering during the night, and when she returned to her bedroom, the memories of her passionate experience with Elliot, left her confused.

She settled for the floor, with the blanket rugged over her.

The smell of Elliot lingered on the quilt, and she barely slept a wink.

By morning, she had concluded that he was back with his wife, and their partnership was nothing more than just that. It hurt, but she was determined to go on as if it had never happened.

When she arrived at the precinct the next morning, she avoided his gaze.

"Goodmorning," he smiled.

"Hi," her voice was distant. She felt herself drawing a line, building a wall, to shut him out and protect herself from that inevitable heartache she knew would come… sooner or later.

He scooted beside her, grateful that the precinct was next to empty. "I miss you last night," he whispered cautiously.

Her heart gave a tug. Damn it! She hadn't been counting on the _cute_ lines.

"How's Kathy?" she responded almost bitterly.

He looked instantly guilty. "I wanted to call you, I swear it… I just," he shuffled his feet uncomfortably as he dug his mind for an answer.

"It doesn't matter now," she insisted. "I think it's better for everyone if we just got on with the day, and forgot it ever happened." She was sure that was the best thing for all involved. At least Kathy could keep her solid provider, and father of her children… God, she groaned silently to herself, what had she been thinking?

"I don't-" for a moment was stunned.

Olivia could almost believe he had another explanation. Maybe just maybe he had left his wife, and she had jumped the gun, so to speak. No, she shook her head visibly, no more daydreaming. It was over. Olivia turned on her heels and went to the coffee cart to pour a tea, leaving the conversation unfinished.

_Okay… so we know that Elliot would never betray her THAT badly. Olivia jumped to conclusions… right? You believe that, don't you? Please that lil button below and let me know your thoughts. :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi FF readers… this shot is from ELIOTT'S POV… Hope you like it. :)_

All day, Elliot attempted to get her attention. Every time he thought they'd have a moment alone, someone interrupted, or she picked herself up and walked out. Elliot no longer had any other thought, but that she was obviously avoiding him.

His only take on this was that she regretted what had happened.

Elliot didn't. It was the best move he'd made in years. But she wouldn't give him the time to tell her that… to tell her he was sorry, and that every moment he was away from her was almost agony. He wanted to tell her that her youngest son got the chicken pox, his role as his father was needed, and he wasn't going to leave him, but assure Olivia that he wasn't going back to his wife. He was sure that was on her mind.

He waltzed over to the coffee cart, where she was making Tea.

"You ever try drinking coffee again?" he asked. His mind was buzzing with a way to start a conversation. He cursed himself silently, for choosing such a lame line.

"No," she answered bluntly. "It's no good for you."

"Neither is this," he whispered.

She whirled around to face him, and he saw instantly the tears glistening in her eyes. Was she crying?

His face softened. "God, Liv… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Olivia shrugged. "I knew it couldn't last long," she choked. "I was an idiot to think otherwise…" she turned to brush past him, but he knew that she had got it wrong. He was determined to make it right. He reached out a hand and seized her arm.

"WHAT?" she screamed.

"Let me talk for a minute," he snapped back.

"I am NOT interested!" she yanked her arm free. But he followed her as she walked back to her desk.

"Liv, I never did anything you didn't want to do…" he whispered. "I thought it was what you wanted. I never pushed you. I never-"

"I'm not upset about that," she insisted cautiously looking around to see if they were still alone, when she saw they were, she went on. "I never blamed you for anything… I understand that being with your wife is-"

"I'm not," he said. "I'M NOT with Kathy!"

"But…" she looked confused.

"Eli has the chicken pox and I couldn't leave Kathy to hold the fort alone. She has five kids and I'm still their father, Liv. I have a responsibility to them," he insisted. Olivia had always been supportive of his children and his marriage, why did this have to be so different?

"I know that," she hissed. "I never want it to be different!"

"Good… because I love you," he stated.

She wasn't convinced. "Elliot… last night was-"

He grabbed her shoulders firmly and shook her. "I LOVE YOU, damn it!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "I have since the moment you walked into that precinct and told me to clear some space for your damn desk. I saw the fire in your eyes, the determination on your face, and I know that you have that same passion when you look at me. Don't walk away from me, not now, Liv. Please…" he looked like a child.

He turned his gaze from her and saw that Fin, Munch and Cragen had stepped into the precinct. _Shit_, he muttered under his breath.

Olivia saw it too. "Okay…" she whispered.

He looked back and forgot about his audience. "You do love me back, don't you?" he was sure of this.

"Yes," she said firmly. "More than the space on my _damn_ desk," she teased playfully, oblivious to the watching eye of the captain and their colleagues. She brought her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his, reclaiming the same spark and passion that had ignited in them the night before.

Yes, he thought happily, this was the best move I've made in years.

_A/N: NOW IT'S FINISHED… lol. _

_Did you all like the ending? Take your cursor and click that review button to let me know… I appreciate your time guys. Happy FF writing. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: ONE MORE… LAST scene… I will not write another in this particular story… but with all the amazing reviews and encouragement, how could I not extent this. So… here is the FINAL part of this story, and its only short. Enjoy :)_

Cragen cleared his throat, breaking the gap between Elliot and Olivia.

"In my office… both of you, NOW!" he ordered turning on his heels and strolling out of the squad room.

Elliot and Olivia looked at each other briefly, a small smile of encouragement lingering on their lips, before they followed the Captain into the office.

"Knew you'd work it out eventually," Munch grinned slapping Elliot on the back with praise. "Looks like you owe me 100 bucks…" he mumbled to Fin as they walked away.

Fin groaned.

Elliot looked over his shoulder and shot them a smile.

Once inside, Elliot closed the door behind them, standing close to Olivia.

Cragen stared them down. "Do you have any idea of the implications you just caused with that display out there?" he demanded.

"Sorry, Captain," Olivia said timidly. Something had come over her; she wasn't even sure what it was, only that it was far too powerful to stop it. Olivia was rational, most of the time, but when it came to Elliot Stabler, partner, best friend, and soul-mate, her insides jumbled and her heart had a mind of its own. No, Olivia Benson could not be blamed for this.

"Sorry doesn't cut it Olivia," he shot back. He was beyond livid. "I can't just ignore this you have showed your relationship to the entire precinct. I have no choice but to suspend the two of you until further notice," he stated.

Elliot tensed beside his partner, breathing heavily. She shot him a glance of encouragement.

"It's fine…" she assured him. "We can work this out…" she turned to Cragen. "Do you think one of us could be transferred?"

"It's possible," he answered coolly. "I don't want to. You are my two best detectives. No station wants to lose out that way…" he groaned flopping down at his desk.

"Captain, I would be more than accepting, if you transferred me," Olivia offered.

"You don't have to do that, Liv…" Elliot said worriedly.

"I don't mind," she smiled. "It might be a nice change of pace."

"Captain," Elliot looked at the boss. "Can't you work something else out?"

"Right now, I don't think I want to be doing either of you any favors. Get out of my precinct!" he demanded.

Both nodded, mumbling an apology.

"Busted!" Munch smiled teasingly.

"Suspended," Elliot shrugged. He turned to Olivia and reached for her hand. She smiled, as they grabbed their jackets and headed out together. A new life. Whatever that entailed, as long as they had each other, they could survive.

Back in Cragen's office, he leaned back in his chair, with a grin as big as the Grinch. "They'll be just fine," he smiled to himself.

_FINISHED!_

_I tried to wrap it up, without giving a definite ending, so I hope I pleased everybody. I wanted to also keep it real… so. Please review, and let me know if it was to your liking… :)_


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